Solitude
by Skye Haerrington
Summary: This takes place during Self-Possessed. Rogue starts to get over Scott to the tune of "Solitude" by Evanescence.


Yep, so I'm loving the song fics lately. I guess a lot of songs have just been clicking, you know? And as those of you who know me at all should know, I hate Scogue. Hate it. Almost as much as my hatred for Jean, but I digress. This isn't a Scogue, though it might look like it. It takes place during Self-Possessed, after the game with Scott but before she meets up with Risty. If I'm feeling a song soon, I'll write a follow up to this.  
  
And, yes, I do realize that I'm no good with the accents. Its just lack of experience. So helpful suggestions would be loverly. Flame me, and die. Thanks for taking the time to read this.  
  
Now for the obligatory part: Disclaimer: If I owned X-Men, I wouldn't be at this rather sad excuse for a college. If I owned any part of Evanescence, they'd suck. Satisfied?  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Rogue stormed into her room and slammed the door behind her. "O' course! Why wouldn't he lahke Jean? She's perky and popular and she can at least touch ya." The young mutant grumbled as she kicked the corner of her bed, something she instantly regretted doing. The pain she felt was somewhat worse than what a stubbed toe would normally cause, but she was too wrapped up in her thoughts to realize the difference.  
  
How many times have you told me you love her? As many times as I wanted to tell you the truth. How long have I stood here beside you? I lived through you, you looked through me.  
  
She shed her clothing and took a quick shower, trying to keep the thoughts of the happy couple at bay. She was having an awful lot of trouble with that particular task. "Why Jean?" the girl silently asked herself. "Why not me?"  
  
Right her cynical inner voice responded who would want a catch like Jean when they could have an untouchable like you.  
  
Rogue quickly dried herself off and put on her pajamas. She was eager to sleep, hoping she'd find refuge from the thought of Jean in the world of dreams. After removing the towel from her head, she pulled a brush through her hair two or three times. Finally, she pulled back her sheets and climbed into bed. Before long, she had fallen asleep.  
  
*  
  
Rogue woke up the next morning and yawned. She mumbled something about how school should be pushed back a few hours. Having to be at school at eight in the morning was just ridiculous.  
  
She begrudgingly dragged herself out of bed and started to dig through her dresser drawers. Finally, she picked out a dark purple shirt and a pair of black pants. She dressed, still half asleep. Rogue then applied her heavy eye makeup and stared at her reflection for a long moment. A sigh escaped her lips as she pulled on her black gloves.  
  
Solitude, still with me is only you. Solitude, I can't stay away from you  
  
Out of the corner of her eye, she caught sight of her clock. Time ta go she thought with a frown. Picking up her things, she headed for the door. The sight of Logan startled her, especially when he showed her the racquet she had destroyed the previous night. Rogue was thankful that Kitty grabbed her hand and pulled her away.  
  
Thankful until she mentioned Jean's name, that is. Just the thought of miss perk-n-pep made Rogue want to yank her hand away and run in the complete opposite direction. There was no way she could stand the trip to school with Jean in the driver seat silently gloating. She had Scott; she won. What else did Rogue expect? The red haired Queen of Bayville High was as close to perfect as anyone could get and Rogue hated her for it.  
  
How many times have I done this to myself? How long will it take before I see? When will this hole in my heart be mended? Who now is left alone but me?  
  
Thinking of her circle of friends at the Institute, Rogue came to a realization. Almost everyone had someone. They touched and kissed like it wasn't the most precious gift anyone could ever receive. Kitty had Lance, Scott had Jean, and even Kurt had someone. But, because Rogue was cursed with this x-gene, this "gift" she was alone.  
  
Sometimes she wished that she were born in a different body. She would have loved to look like Kurt or have to sport protective eyewear all the time like Scott. They complain about these small things, but never realize how lucky they are to have the one thing denied her, the ability to touch someone.  
  
Rogue silently got into the car behind Jean, glaring at the back of her head through the seat. It was all she could do not to jump out of the moving car when Kitty brought up the concert. All the words that followed were like separate daggers inserting themselves into her torso.  
  
She was an idiot. How could she have ever thought she stood a chance with Scott? If she had known all of the trouble and heartache her feelings for him would cause, maybe she would have stayed with Mystique and the Brotherhood. However pathetic some of them were, it was better than watching from the sidelines, envying the Barbie Doll.  
  
Solitude forever me and forever you  
  
Solitude only you, only true Everyone leaves me stranded, Forgotten abandoned, left behind.  
  
I can't stay here another night  
  
Suddenly, Kurt popped into the front seat and only made things worse. It's about time they got together? she thought incredulously, Does anyone even notice me? It's almost like I'm not even here.  
  
"Could you guys drop it already?" Rogue snapped and turned back to the window. Everyone gave her an inquisitive look. So that's what it takes for them to notice me? She thought.  
  
*  
  
When Rogue got to school, she parted ways with the rest of the carpool as quickly as possible. She didn't need to hear any more about the date. Her own mind was torturing her enough without Kurt and Kitty's help.  
  
She stopped in front of her locker. It took her three tries just to get the ridiculous door open. She yanked two of the textbooks from her bag and threw them into her locker. Perhaps taking her frustration out on her books wasn't the best idea, but it certainly made her feel better.  
  
"Hey, Rogue," a masculine voice called out from behind her.  
  
Your secret admirer, who could it be?  
  
"Hey." she started, staring at the figure's back as he moved further down the hallway. "Scott," she finished quietly, sounding defeated. Rogue slammed her locker shut and picked up her bag. She headed towards the bathroom. All the while, thoughts ran through her head. Thoughts about him, about Jean, about her far less than favorable chances.  
  
Can't you see all along it was me?  
  
How can you be so blind as to see right through me?  
  
She kept thinking of Scott. People were moving around her in many different directions. It was something she was normally acutely aware of, but today she might as well have been walking down an empty hallway. She was too lost in her thoughts to even notice when she knocked over a small trashcan.  
  
Ah can't keep doin' this to mahself she thought. Scott is never gonna give up lil' miss perfect fo' me. He probably doesn't even know how Ah feel about him. Ah'm just his little racquetball buddy and that's all Ah'll ever be.  
  
Suddenly, something about that didn't bother her as much anymore. The transition was so slow that she hardly even noticed it. Rogue was coming to terms with the fact that she'd never have Scott. He'd probably follow Jean around like a puppy dog for the rest of his life. Sure, she was alone and probably always would be unless she could learn to control her powers. Maybe, some day, she'd even get used to that idea. Probably not, she thought with a sad smile.  
  
Solitude still with me is only you  
  
Solitude I can't stay away from you  
  
She knew that she wasn't completely over him. That takes time. But time is one of the few things she had in abundance. Who knows, this could be a whole new start.  
  
Solitude forever me and forever you Solitude only you only true 


End file.
